TwistedHilarity ([info]twistedhilarity) wrote,

Still Alive, when TLPH is coming, food sucks, and my son

On the story front: TLPH is nearly there. Big chapter this time. I just want to make sure I can read it once more with an actual sentient brain before I post it up, so it may take a few more days.

Yeah, posting in time for the holidays went really well obviously. :-(

And even though I joked with a friend that I'm always late, so my Christmas cards would likely come on Valentine's Day...that's actually what's probably going to happen. Jeesh, so lame!! So here's a really quick update here to let you know that I yet live; I'm just pissed at the food industry in general.

Lots of you know I'm on a real limited diet. My main source of protein is buffalo meat, from just one company, because it's safe for me. No antibiotics, no gluten contamination, no hormones added, grass fed - good stuff, if hideously expensive. You have to freaking ration this stuff, swear to god.

I've been having trouble reacting a lot lately, however, and every time I thought I had it figured out, I had trouble all over again. Turns out, my F*&$#&@^$&@ing buffalo was making me sick. 0.o A few months back, the company started making buffalo sausages in the same facility, and they add wheat to them, so now there is just enough wheat in the facility near my previous safe buffalo meat that it contaminated it and it's no longer safe.  I've dropped it from my diet, and so far, so good. I just have to find new food now that I can eat, and that's slower than I like, but improving, and hopefully this time, it'll stay.

So even though my lazy ass has been the one in the drivers seat and responsible for this truly pathetic lack of writing...I'm gonna blame the food industry for the last few months. We'll all pretend that makes sense at all, and I can eventually publish an article: How the Food Industry Impedes Porn Creation.  Those anti-sex bastards. ;-)


And one last moment of humor, from the usual source: my son.
He was talking with his sister and her friend, and one of them asked him to get a drink of water for her. His response is an instant, 'no, get it yourself.' And the friend starts teasing him, saying things like, 'no, no, no, you have to be gracious and caring and helpful to girls all the time. How do you think you're going to get a girlfriend if you don't cater to their every whim.'

And he looks at her and says, 'oh yeah? Well maybe I'll get a boy, instead. So there!' And sticks out his tongue.
:-D

I know I haven't responded to comments hardly at all, and apologies to that! Email and comments are pretty backed up, so it may take a while for me to get to them all, but I'll be working on it.
Tags: humor, the last pure human, twisted son, whining

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[info]spy_c

January 23 2011, 22:37:52 UTC 1 year ago

Wow, I'm so glad I don't have a food allergy. This sounds like such a pain for you and your family. If it makes you feel better, I work in a food laboratory and one of the projects we are working on for a company is gluten free bread, pies and pastries. We're trying to keep the texture provided by wheat and flour in something that doesn't have it while keeping it all natural. We have a long way to go, but we are working on it. Hopefully in a year or so you will see the labor of our efforts on the market soon. :) I hope it all gets better.

[info]homelyletters

January 24 2011, 01:57:57 UTC 1 year ago

Best of luck with making this work. I really am rooting for you guys.

[info]spy_c

1 year ago

[info]kracken

January 24 2011, 00:37:46 UTC 1 year ago

TLPH! *Runs around cheering*

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 16:57:01 UTC 1 year ago

XD

Aw, just runs around cheering? I would think at least it'd be worth a naked runs around cheering. ;-D

Anonymous

1 year ago

[info]kracken

1 year ago

[info]7i4f

January 24 2011, 00:42:47 UTC 1 year ago

<3 <3 <3 YAY! An update's coming!! <3 <3 <3 =( I'm sorry about the food company and I hope you feel better. XD Your son is so adorable!

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 16:56:29 UTC 1 year ago

Thanks - I think the changing weather helps - I'm gonna garden my own darn food, so I can say 'nyah' to the annoying food practices, LOL.

Anonymous

1 year ago

[info]chimmi

January 24 2011, 01:01:25 UTC 1 year ago

seconding spy_c, what a pain!
I don't remember your living conditions, but - in case you have the space - would raising chicken be an option for you? You could control what they and subsequently you come in contact with/eat and have tasty eggs once in a while or even some meat, if you wouldn't mind.
I guess, if it were feasible, you probably would have done it already, but I thought I would throw it out there anyway.

Also, this might be interesting for you if you consider growing potatoes yourself and are tight on space --> something like this http://www.ehow.com/how_2222722_grow-potatoes-garbage-can.html might be of interest (there are several variations available). Generally, the LJ-community apartmentgarden is pretty good for Information on growing your own food in limited space...

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 17:00:03 UTC 1 year ago

Thanks so much for the thoughtful ideas!

We've looked into keeping some small animals, but so far, my body has been annoying - I'm allergic to chicken and eggs both. Isn't that a kick in the pants? They would have been the easiest, I think.

The other problem is that the feed that is sold for most small animals is full of gluten, and makes it a hazard for us inhaling the dust and getting sick - we have to get special kitty food now for our cats so that doesn't happen, already. But I'm trying to check out rabbits - although knowing me, they'll be too cute and I'll end up not being able to kill them for meat, heh.

ooooh, I have never seen the tight-space potato growing! I bet that could be used for sweet potatoes and such, too. That looks awesome. Thanks!

[info]2metaldog

January 24 2011, 01:06:42 UTC 1 year ago

I don't know if this would even be possible for you, but have you thought about going to local hunters/fishers and offering them cash for a portion of their kill? Or if it's something small like say a rabbit or partridge, the whole thing? Wild caught not having the antibiotics and eating only what they forage and the like.

I grew up in northern Ontario where hunting/fishing is a huge part of the life and generally people were willing to share especially if you threw some cash their way.

I dunno, I'm trying to help you think a little outside the box, but that's all I got.

[info]homelyletters

January 24 2011, 01:56:23 UTC 1 year ago

It's a great idea if you can find local hunters.

If you lived in our area I would point you toward my brother and brother-in-law (those who mock me for my refusal to shoot at anything but a target).

They both hunt for (and get) deer, rabbit, grouse, duck, goose, etc regularly.

Anonymous

1 year ago

[info]2metaldog

1 year ago

[info]Debbie Keesler

January 24 2011, 02:17:48 UTC 1 year ago

Have you tried any local farmers? A small family farm will probably be able to sell you all natural meat and/or poultry. My grandparents ran a farm for 50+ years, never any hormones or other crap, heck I drank raw milk half my life! Yummy :) !

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 17:13:05 UTC 1 year ago

I've been slowly working my way through them - I'm really getting to know the local farmers! Ha, I think they're getting to know me too, with all my questions, but I end up giving them information about celiac disease along the way. Two of 'em are getting tested for it since they spoke to me. :-)

The poultry would be the easiest, except I'm allergic to chicken (I didn't even think that was physically possible, ya know?). I'm hopeful for some grass fed beef we just found yesterday, actually! We have to find farms that don't also make sausage, or handle the meat near any grains or in the kitchen near grains, so that's been one of the limiting factors that nixes so many of them. Very hopeful for this most recent little ranch, though!

[info]egd_pando

January 24 2011, 07:38:17 UTC 1 year ago

I love how you tagged it "Twisted Son". Seriously, your ignorant-of-what-he's-saying son is awesome.

It's kind of sad that almost nothing is safe these days from the great behemoth Gluten Monster.

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 17:14:25 UTC 1 year ago

Ha - he is a crack up, isn't he? So glad he makes me laugh like that.

And the gluten - It's a weird thing - but I will just go learn about gardening and get to know every local farmer person in my area.

So far, we're eating a lot of stuff in season; it's a very different experience, you know?

[info]egd_pando

1 year ago

[info]rbrec22

January 24 2011, 08:45:22 UTC 1 year ago

Chill outttt, honey.
We still love you, even if you are late.
Also, food is pain in the arse.
I'm supposed to eat these foods, not eat these foods, blah blah blah.
But I'm lazy.
Also, If i have a son, I hope they're like yours, hahaha. That is brilliant.

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 17:16:51 UTC 1 year ago

Oh thank you - much love and kisses right back at ya.

and yes, food is a pain. I really, really wanna be lazy, and every once in a while I am and I eat something that I know won't be perfect for me, thinking, "it really won't be that bad, will it?" and my body lets me know, 'uh, Twisted, yes, yes it will be that bad, you stupid dink.'

Lazy is underappreciated, though. ;-)

[info]itrasheditgood

January 24 2011, 11:46:33 UTC 1 year ago

It really sucks to have allergies/sensitivities. About five years back I really wanted to blast the industry for putting aloe in every skin product, especially sensitive skin products. I get hives from that s$@t! The worse part is it's not necessary. Pills another curse, lactose is an added filler which just happens to be another sore spot of mine. I can really relate. My suggestion, keep your spirits high and do your homework on different products. I know it seems like an up hill battle because it is. But don't lose hope, you'll find what you're looking for.

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 17:19:22 UTC 1 year ago

Oh my god, I know just what you mean! My daughter was reacting to something in lotions that we THOUGHT was the aloe, and I remember how impossible it was to find anything without that crap! And my son - dairy, so yeah...what the frick is it with putting in all this unnecessary crud into our pills and such!

Sigh.

Very glad that you seem to have found things safe for you; it's always very encouraging to talk to someone who's been here, and done it and made it through. :-)

[info]ayune01

January 24 2011, 11:51:49 UTC 1 year ago

ahhaha...oh dear, your son is very cheeky indeed.
oh goody, cant wait to read the latest update of TLPH.*grins*

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 17:19:41 UTC 1 year ago

Ha, he so is - and he's got little baby-like chubby cheeks to prove it, LOL.

[info]gen50

January 24 2011, 12:45:14 UTC 1 year ago

glad to know you are okay. havent posted much because lj is banned at work

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 17:20:33 UTC 1 year ago

aw man - hopefully LJ will find a sneaky way through the ban, LOL.

[info]littleolmee

January 25 2011, 03:19:16 UTC 1 year ago

You poor thing, you can't win for losing can you? I did a little research for you & found a couple of sites that might help. I know you were having trouble with chicken; thought it was due to the additives in store chicken though. Have you tried or found chicken with out additives? Here is a organic meat site; grass fed only. http://www.greensburymarket.com/beef?gclid=CMfCubCw1KYCFQO8KgodT2fEIg
and here is a site that can lead you to farms in your area that do the grass fed & if you explain the situation maybe they can lead you do a farm that can butcher without mixing it with wheat & other stuff if it's a small place.http://www.eatwild.com/
You may even think of getting a half or whole animal & process yourself. It's not hard, my hubby & I have helped a friend butcher cattle at their farm before. It's a lot of work but then you can control what is going on with your food then.
I know more work, sad that you almost have to go back living 30-60 years into the past to get the food you need.
Looking forward to update. Don't sweat the delays, I completely understand; being winter time is when I spend my time chained to my nebulizer with pneumonia & bronchitis attempting to breath.

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 17:23:36 UTC 1 year ago

Oh goodness - thank you so much! That's so sweet of you!

The chicken I have to pass on - I actually AM allergic to that one. For the kids, we have to find chickens from little places that don't use a defeathering machine - that's what actually causes a lot of gluten contamination on the skin (wacky, huh?). But because I'm allergic, I've been putting poultry on the back burner.

Oooh, and thank you for the eatwild link - I'll go check that out! Oh - did your friend teah you how to butcher, or did you learn somewhere else? That's what I've been thinking, that I may need to learn how to do that, but I'm looking around for classes or someone who'd be willing to teach me, at the moment.

Aw crud - the nebulizer - I remember it well. Much sympathy! Hope the lungs get to enjoy warmer, safer weather soon!

[info]fateofshadow

January 25 2011, 04:51:52 UTC 1 year ago

All I can do is suggest farmers market produce- I live in Scotland and there's a market near me every Saturday. All the farmers supply corn fed, organic, wild or free range meat as standard (because they would get kicked out the market if they didn't). I'm not entirely sure where you live (I'm guessing America?) but surely you have something like that over there? Even going to local farms or hunters directly might help. Rabbit for instance, is common pretty much everywhere. Hope one of the links people have provided above will help if I can't.

I'm so excited that there's going to be an update soon~! Do you might if I friend you? I hate to just do it without asking (I'm old fashioned that way I guess o^_^o).

[info]alyneese

January 25 2011, 05:27:01 UTC 1 year ago

Yay update!
Also that sucks about the buffalo meat. If I had to be that careful with what meat I eat I'd be a basket case as I am first and foremost a carnivore. Stupid company. You and your family are in my prayers.
Your son is adorable.

[info]alyneese

1 year ago

[info]truly_wished

January 25 2011, 06:06:47 UTC 1 year ago

Your son remains my favorite person in the world - hes just adorable. I'm sorry that you can't have the buffalo anymore, I hope without it you will be able to work a couple of other things into your diet. And, selfish me, I am so looking forward to TLPH. *sorry*

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 17:28:58 UTC 1 year ago

:-D

Ha, that's okay - it helps to know people want to read it, so your selfishness helps motivate me so I can work on my own selfishness, LOL. ;-)

[info]mariewig

January 27 2011, 12:45:50 UTC 1 year ago

Hi TL
good to know you are feeling less stressed lol..
a girl that worked with me used to eat gluten free organic cornflakes,
I have facebooked her to find out more products :)
Marie*

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 17:31:45 UTC 1 year ago

Thanks - oh, that's so very sweet of you!

I'm sorry to say that it's likely I won't be able to have 'em, though, unfortunately. They tend to have more gluten than I can handle. Most GF stuff has to contain below a certain limit of gluten, but it's actually a legal limit rather than 'zero gluten,' and I seem to react to less than the legal limit. Kind of annoying - all that awesome new GF food and it still doesn't work for me, urg.

My father and brother have the same gluten issue, but they can eat it all...I'm sure they would welcome any suggestions I made to them for GF products. So I'd still love to hear what she says - win me points in the family as the gluten free guru, LOL.

[info]snowdragonct

January 27 2011, 18:39:34 UTC 1 year ago

Hey, I thought of you the other day, when I was reading a label on this coconut milk carton...and it said the stuff is produced in a factory free of gluten, peanuts, and a bunch of other allergy-producing things! Gah! If only I could remember the name. But the label clearly stated that they periodically TEST their products to ensure no contamination. It sounded like your kind of place. I don't envy you having to pick through food choices to find the few that won't make you sick. Truly an ordeal. I'm such a lazy bum, I'd probably starve if I had those limitations, because I wouldn't want to have to prepare every scrap of food from scratch.
Anyhow, feel better. Your son is a riot! Tell him there are plenty of nice boys out there, and whoever he chooses, it should be someone who makes him happy. Girls ARE high-maintenance, aren't they? :) Hang in there. I know when I've got migraines and can't write, it makes me crazy. So, I hope your food allergy issues get worked out enough that you can enjoy life again, and WE can enjoy your writing again. You are missed. And many warm wishes are sent your way!

[info]twistedhilarity

January 27 2011, 22:15:55 UTC 1 year ago

Aw, thanks!

Sadly, it probably wouldn't work for the coconut milk, waaah. That might be the brand that Turtle Mountain puts out - they have this great coconut milk based ice cream too that I tried that was AWESOME. :-)

But...still have a couple things I reacted to, so it got me.

I think for the last year I really ate the most basic, basic foods ever. Boil it or bake it or eat it raw, ya know? But I'm finally wanting taste more, so laziness is slowly being overcome by desperation for taste. :-)

But lzainess is easier. Ha, and yes, girls are high maintenance sometimes -my hubby can talk all about it, LOL.

Thanks for the good wishes - have a good weekend!

[info]chibi_raenef

January 28 2011, 08:16:05 UTC 1 year ago

Have you tried duck eggs before, or are you allergic to all fowl? Otherwise if you can have ducks but can't have a pond then muscovey ducks are easily raised without a pond, just give them a baby pool to play in every once in a while. otherwise, is there a college with an agricultural department near you at all? I'd say try asking them about obtaining meat. They are usually fairly careful about what they give/get near their animals/meat because they are being researched as well. I'm an animal science student at my local uni and I know they know exactly what goes into those animals (mainly because I've been forced to memorize their diets haha). Also, look into quails if you can eat birds, they are small and can be both eaten and they lay eggs.

I hope you can find something that isn't contaminated with gluten!!

[info]jukebox_csi

February 4 2011, 23:35:30 UTC 1 year ago

Wow, I sure hate to hear you've been having problems. I didn't realize that even if a product advertises as gluten free that it could still contain trace amounts because of 'legal limits'. Scary that. I was going to ask if you'd ever ordered any food from GlutenFreePlaza.com?

[info]twistedhilarity

February 5 2011, 04:49:19 UTC 1 year ago

Yeah, it always shocks me how much can be done under certain legal limits. :-( I haven't ordered anything from Gluten Free plaza, although I've heard of them. But so far the products they sell are all ones that I still can't have. :-(

[info]dhawktx

August 24 2011, 19:12:18 UTC 9 months ago

So sorry to read about your allergies and sensitivities!!

So far I just have allergies to dairy and gluten (non-specific, non-celiac) - I feel your pain! My blood type (O) is generally going to see both of those if there are any allergies at all.

Saw the earlier posting on potatoes - with your body's hyper reactivity, be sure to limit your total consumption of the Nightshade veggies: Tomato, Potato, Eggplant, Chilis & other green peppers, tobacco. Overconsumption results in symptoms equivalent to Rheumatiod Arthritis. Yea.
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